Bonus Content
The Stainless Steel Rat Returns
C H A P T E R 1
I T WAS THAT TIME OF day that should be inviolate, one of the rare moments in life when everything is going perfectly. I leaned back in the armchair and turned on the room- sized stereo— woofers the size of locomotives, tweeters that vibrated the teeth in your head— and J. S. Bach’s toccata and fugue saturated the air with beauty.
In my hand was a glass of just- poured three- hundred year- old treasured bourbon, chilled with million- year- old ice brought from one of the outer planets. How perfect! I smiled benignly and raised the glass to my lips.
Like a throbbing toothache, or a mosquito’s distant whine, something penetrated paradise. A tinkle- tinkle that clashed with mighty Bach. I felt a snarl twist my lips as I touched the volume control and the great organ throbbed unhappily into silence. The front doorbell could be clearly heard again.
Tinkle tinkle . . .
I punched an angry thumb at the button and the viewscreen came to life. A smiling, sun- darkened face leered out at me; broken teeth— and was that a straw hanging limply from his lips?
“You in there, Jimmy? Can’t see nothing . . .”
A wispy white beard, a battered cap, an accent horribly familiar: I felt the hairs stirring on the back of my neck.
“You . . . you . . . !” I gurgled hoarsely.
“Guess you can see me allrighty! I’m your long- lost Cousin Elmo come all the way from Bit O’ Heaven.”
It was like waking from a nightmare— and discovering the terrible dream had been true. A name I thought I would never hear again. The planet of my birth that I had fled so many years ago. Unwelcome memories flooded my brain while my teeth grated together with a grinding screech.
“Go away . . .” I muttered through the gnashing.
“Yep—a long way to come. Though I can’t see you I can tell yore glad to see me.” The imbecilic smile, the bobbing stalk of straw.
Glad! Elmo was as welcome as a plague of boils, a poison chalice, a raging tsunami . . . Why hadn’t I installed doormounted guns? . . . I thumbed the volume control viciously, which only amplified his hoarse breathing, the straw- chomping lips. I hit the weapons detector, which flashed green. If only he had been armed, a reason to destroy . . .
“Let me in, Jimmy, I got some great news for you.”
There was a sound now along with his voice— a highpitched squeal I thought I would never hear again. Trancelike I rose, stumbled to the front door, unlocked it . . .
“Why Little Jimmy— you shore growed . . .”
A sirenlike squeal drowned out his words as a small black body shot between my legs, quills rattling, heading straight for the kitchen.
From: THE STAINLESS STEEL RAT RETURNS by Harry Harrison, copyright © 2010 by the author and reprinted by permission of Tor Books, published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC.
The Stainless Steel Rat Returns
With The Stainless Steel Rat Returns, Grand Master Harry Harrison brings his most famous character out of retirement for a darkly satirical romp through the galaxy!
James “Slippery Jim” DiGriz—Special Corps agent, master thief, and interstellar criminal (retired)—is living high on the hog on planet Moolaplenty when country cousins arrive with a shipful of swine. Next he knows, Jim and his wife, Angelina, are wandering the stars in search of an arable planet, a source of gravitons, interstellar communicators and a home for the pigs. What they find is a wild adventure in true Harrison style—pitting the charming con man with a moral code against nefarious forces wherever they may be...while practicing a little larceny on the side.
Hardcover : 304 pages
Publisher: Tor Books ( August 03, 2010 )
Item #: 13-205168
ISBN: 9780765324412
Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 8.25 inches
Product Weight: 13.0 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Ran out of material 
May 18, 2012
I was hoping this would be as good as the rest of the series BUT its not. It drags out and on. I think the series should have ended without this one.
Reviewer: Daryl
Great Reading
May 18, 2012
I've read this whole series and had fun the whole way. I wish Harry Harrison would write another! Recommend.
Reviewer: Robert W
Welcome back S S RAT
March 29, 2011
This is a great series, and I was really surprised when I found a new one in SFBC's catalog. Wow! I was also unsure of how good it would be. After all, the originals were years ago. But Harry Harrison does not disappoint. Wish he'd write a few more because this simply whet my appetite for more. If you're unfamiliar with this character you really have to give this book a try. Then you can search out the first ones. This series is FUN.
Reviewer: Samantha H
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